Scott Meyers
Results of the Effective C++, Second Edition, Giveaway Contest
By Scott Meyers
On September 19, 1997, I posted an announcement about the publication of my latest book, Effective C++, Second Edition, to the newsgroups comp.std.c++, comp.lang.c++, and comp.lang.c++.moderated. In that announcement (click here to read it) I offered a free autographed copy of the book to people who sent mail from my web site by September 30 asking for one. How would I select these people from the many I expected to submit a request? I put it this way in my posting:
I'll send autographed books to whomever I feel like -- based purely on the whim of the moment.
In the end, there were about 200 entries, and whim struck 20 times, a figure greatly influenced by the number of books I was able to wrangle out of Addison Wesley for this purpose :-)
I got entries from all over the world. Here's the breakdown by nationality, which I guessed at by looking at signatures and top-level domains:
| USA | 64 |
| Unknown | 50 (Probably USA -- mostly .com and .net addresses) |
| Canada | 16 |
| Australia | 13 |
| Germany | 11 |
| United Kingdom | 7 |
| Sweden | 4 |
| Belgium | 4 |
| Finland | 4 |
| The Netherlands | 3 |
| France | 3 |
| Norway | 3 |
| New Zealand | 3 |
| Russia | 2 |
| Poland | 1 |
| Singapore | 1 |
| Denmark | 1 |
| Israel | 1 |
| Ireland | 1 |
| Romania | 1 |
| China | 1 |
| Taiwan | 1 |
| Malaysia | 1 |
I learned an important lesson from this experience. I learned that I never want to do this kind of thing again. Getting the mail was fun, and reading it was even more fun, but dividing the mail into "winners" and "losers" was no fun at all. Ultimately, I had to decide to not send books to lots of people who I would really have liked to. Every contest has a blurb saying that selecting winners is difficult, and, probably like you, I've discounted such disclaimers in the past. No more. I've been there. Trust me on this: selection is brutal.
Many of the messages had questions or comments that invited a response. If I'd taken the time to reply in detail to all the mail I received for this contest, I wouldn't have accomplished anything else these last two weeks. I apologize if you were disappointed or offended when you got only a form-letter acknowledgement of your entry. If you have something you'd like to share with me, I encourage you to write again. My email address is smeyers@aristeia.com.
A few people groused about the requirement that mail had to be sent from my web site. That was purely a marketing ploy. I wanted to publicize my web site a bit, and Addison-Wesley wanted to know how many people responded to the postings. (If, like me, you're a spamhater, relax. AW gets no more information than is in this document. In particular, nobody except me knows the email addresses that submitted entries, and nobody else will. I'm certainly not going to put anybody on a mailing list. The last thing I need is to rouse the ire of some of the most accomplished programmers in the world.) Those people who sent a message explaining why they couldn't mail from my web site were automatically entered as if they had.
The Winning Entries
What follows are excerpts from the 20 winning entries, along with brief comments on why I chose them.
Ben Scherrey wrote:
I have three dogs of my own (and more on the way in October since my female is pregnant). However, since they are Jack-Russell Terriers, combined they do not weigh as much as Persephone. However, they do chase tennis balls and jump in ponds as tenaciously [sp?] as any animals I've yet to see....
This was the first of several messages to exploit my weakness for dogs in general and for Persephone in particular. I originally planned to make all such entries winners, but too many people tried this approach. As a result, only Ben got in via the "Scott's a sucker for dogs" route.
Jody Goldberg sidestepped that problem like this:
Our 8 week old puppy had just dozed off when I read your posting offering autographed copies of you new book. Your hope that the book request make you smile gave me an idea. Is there anything more fun than a puppy ?? We just picked her up yesterday and at this point she is just about the cutest fur ball in existence. With the information in your book I could finish my work faster and spend more time with her during these next few formative months. An extra game of bat the milk carton makes her much happier. So on behalf of 'Tigger' (as in the character in Winnie the Pooh) I'd like to request a copy. I'll even forward a picture if you'd like ...
Yes, I'm also a sucker for puppies. But I didn't let anybody else take advantage of my fondness for animals. Not even the Swede with the web-surfing pig or the guy at Lawrence Livermore with the debugging Moluccan cockatoo. I had to draw the line somewhere, and I drew it just after canines. (By the way, the new book cover features a howling wolf puppy.)
Marco Gasperina wrote:
It's not for me, Scott, it's for my son... He thinks you're great! In fact, just the other night while we were eating dinner he said, "Daddy, when I grow up can I be like Scott Meyers?" "You mean you want to be a C++ expert and revered computer consultant helping thousands of desperate programmers deal with the complexities of software development?" "No, I just like his hair."
This is funnier if you've seen my hair in person. Marco has. So have I.
Ehud Lamm tried the "persistence pays off" approach:
Aside from being a generally nice person, I have some more good reasons,
why I qualify.
1. Since I live in ISRAEL you can post the book to me in class C[++] mail...
2. You will spread your name far and wide - right into the middle east.
3. I always say efficiency doesn't matter - only good design does. Maybe
you will make me eat my hat...
4. I already said, I *am* a nice guy.
5. This message is not spam!!! It is also written by a human being not a
robot. This should be unusual these days :-)
6. I did read your home page (this was the idea behind the offer wasn't it?)
7. I will not buy the book otherwise (the threat tactic is always worth
a shot)
8. Did I mention I am a *nice* guy?
9. A *guy*?
10. I am including my address (I guess all the others forgot to do this,
so now you must send the book to me!!!!)
Ehud Lamm
...
ISRAEL
11. The book will probably arrive in ISRAEL, when D+=2 is the language of
choice...
12. And it will cost 5 times as much as where it is published.
13. I will just summerize it all, to make it easy for you to decide
*I am a nice guy!!*
It worked. What can I say? He just seems like a really nice guy.
The following six people got books for the same reason: they're selfless members of the C++ community.
Esa Pulkkinen wrote:
I've collected a set of C++ programming techniques at http://www.cs.tut.fi/~esap/instructive/. Some of them are obvious, but most are obscure - some even useful - thought you might want to take a look.
David Tribble wrote:
I think I deserve a copy of the book because I am a regular contributor to comp.std.c++ (as well as comp.std.c). (Hopefully you didn't find the contributions too pedantic or outrageous.) I have also made a few proposals to the C++ committee (and to the C committee, too).
Valentin Bonnard wrote:
I often read and post in comp.std.c++ and comp.lang.c++.moderated.
Allen Clarke wrote:
I run a mailing list for a daily C++ tip (I think you might have subscribed briefly) that has about 1000 subscribers. I spend so much time rummaging through newsgroups, magazines, and books, that I try to pass on any little tidbits I stumble across. I think that programmers get stuck in ruts and tend to learn just enough to get the job done (and no more). The tips are just an attempt to get them to think about something small and new every day.
Boris Fomitchev wrote:
I've put significant efforts in porting SGI STL across different platforms and pushing its use (see http://www.stlport.org).
Finally, one person who wishes to remain anonymous, but who I know is a very active participant in the Usenix C++ newsgroups, asked for a copy of the book.
All these people got books on the basis of their C++ community service. It's hard work maintaining useful web pages and/or posting useful information to newsgroups on a regular basis. We all benefit from the efforts of such people, so I wanted to reward them for their work. There are many other worthy community activists, I know, but they didn't write and ask for a book :-)
Craig Anderson submitted this:
I ordered Effective C++ before the first edition came out. Took a chance on you and risked my hard-earned $$$ that your book would be worth it.
Faith like that deserves to be rewarded.
Speaking of faith, I got this from Stephen Gilardi:
I was one of the folks who actually had "Effective C++ Plus" by Scott Meyers on order at Barnes and Noble even though no such beast ever actually existed.
In 1994, when I first started talking to Addison-Wesley about writing More Effective C++, there was no working title for the book. Unbeknownst to me, AW made one up: "Effective C++ Plus", surely one of the worst titles imaginable. Having made up the title, they then proceeded to assign a production date to it, and they then publicized this information to bookstores, who promptly entered it into computer systems across the country -- maybe across the world. I knew none of this until months later when somebody sent mail asking why "Effective C++ Plus" wasn't available in January 1995 as they'd been told.
Sigh.
Surely I have to send a book to somebody who ordered a book I neither wrote nor ever planned to write. I mean, that's faith.
Tom Kreitzberg wrote:
I can think of two reasons why you should send me a copy of your "Effective C++, Second Edition." First, I am going to be the principal programmer on a project the success of which could, without putting too fine a point on it, spell the difference between our survival as a nation -- nay, as a civilization -- and our utter destruction. Casual mention to credulous program managers of half-remembered ideas gleaned from a library copy of "Effective C++" played a not insignificant role in my getting this job, by the way, so as I see it we're in this together. Second, my wife recently gave birth to our second son, and while we've already named him Samuel, I am prepared to urge my wife that we change his name to Scott. No promises, you understand, but I'll do what I can.
Ha ha ha, you say, as did I, but check out http://www.smart.net/~tak/the_baby.html. Yow!
Ken Nicolson sent this:
Following your post to comp.lang.c++.moderated, I'd like an autographed copy, please! Why should I get it? Well, many of my colleagues have books by lesser mortals like PJ Plaguer, Barney Stagestruck, Andrew Kookie, Tom Cargos, James Compliant, etc, so I need to boost my geek rating by getting a signed freebie from the infinitely easier to spell Scott Meters, and his wonderful publisher, Additional-Welshmen. Please excuse any errors, but I've double-checked everything with my spell-checker just to be on the safe side.
Too few people worry about spelling these days. It's important to reward those who do. Besides, "Scott Meters" and "Additional-Welshmen" cracked me up.
Gary Powell wrote:
I would like a copy of your revised book for the following reason. Since this is a revised edition, I would expect that it will contain more pages. Your first edition is a bit thin, why I mention this is that I am using it prop up my desk, along with a copy of Stroupstrup's D&E, and a copy of Stroustrup "C++ Programming Language." 1st Ed. I tried using a copy of "More Effective C++" and its just a bit too thick. Likewise with Stroupstrup's 2nd Ed. The 3rd Ed. is right out. I would guesstimate that a revised Edition of your first book should be just the right height. Your book would be in good company, and I would never fail to point out to my colleagues how your books are supporting the C++ programming community.
Okay, the pun is awful, but I've been guilty of at least as bad, and I even put it in print: check out page 157 of the new book. No, no, I don't have the page number memorized. I looked it up in the index. Under "pun, really bad." Of course.
Also, for years I've been telling people that a good use for my books is propping up tables with uneven legs. My wife, on the other hand, has for years been warning people not to read my books if they're going to soon be operating heavy machinery. Whose advice is better? You decide.
Matt Slattery got me with this:
I am the Manager of Systems Programming at a successful educational software company, and have made your first edition required reading for all the programmers! I even condensed the rules, published them in an HTML document, and linked to that document from our "Coding Guidelines" document, so that all the programmers have ready access to your work. After doing that, we spent roughly ten hours in meetings going over the rules one at a time and discussing them in detail, So, now, when I ask any of the programmers what the most important concept in object oriented design is, each of them will reply, without hesitation, "1066."
It's sort of an inside joke. If you don't get it, grab a copy of Effective C++ (either edition) and find the reference to "1066". Naturally, the index will point you to it.
Kelly Davis sent this, which I loved:
If you give me a copy of your book I will not publish my book... "Even Badder C++: 50 Specific ways to Imperil Your Programs and Designs" Kelly Jay Davis As you will see from the following selections, my book if published, will most certainly squeeze yours out of the market. So, it is in your best interest to provide me with a copy. For instance, here is a selection from my first item... Item 1: Don't use const and inline instead use #define This item should be titled "prefer the preprocessor to the compiler." The reason one should prefer the prepro- cessor over the compiler in all situations is that the preprocessor can lead to some amusing errors. For in- stance, consider the following... #defineMax(a,b) ((a) > (b) ? (a) : (b)) This little number has so many advantages, it's liber- ating just to think about them. It can be used as fol- lows int a = 1; int b = 0; Max(a++, b); Max(a++, b+10); in the first use of Max() a is incremented twice. Just think of the speed increase this will afford for mod- ern day computers, a two fold increase in speed. In the second use of Max() a is incremented once. This no- vel control structure allows one to generate random numbers much better than any library calls. Just put in a value for a and a second for b and the resulting value is... well, random. Another example follows... Item 10: If you write new you don't need delete This item should be titled "memory is cheap these days so don't bother with delete." Normally, most program- mer spend an inordinate amount of time tracking down memory leaks. This is a waste of time. With memory at an all time low price all one needs to do is give your program a large partition, say 10Gig, and let-her rip. You never need to worry about writing delete again. Af- ter all,by the time the 10Gig is used up the user will be done whatever it was they were up to anyway.So,take a tip from me and never use delete, just new... As you can see from these selections, you are in deep do-do if I decide to publish. So,as a preemptive strike in this battle for the C++ book marketplace I suggest you send me a copy of "Effective C++" or I will be for- ced to unleash the badness of... "Even Badder C++: 50 Specific ways to Imperil Your Programs and Designs" Kelly Jay Davis upon the marketplace. This will most certainly dry up your profits.
Well, we can't have that, now, can we?
Ian Knowles' reason for wanting a book was novel:
Because I need something better to do than create new versions of
"Hello, World!"
such as the following...
\
/*
The
best
books
always
inspire
creative
technical
approaches
*/char*x=""
;struct{};//
#if(required)
#endif//hmm...
#include<stdio>
#include<stdlib>
#include<stdcomp>
#include<iostream>
main(int,char*[])
{while(1&&*x--);
cout<<"\"Hello"
<<",\040World"
"""!\""<<""""
;for(;*x++;)
cout<<endl;
if(*x>=*x)
*x*=*x*1;
x="inco"
"mpreh"
"ensi"
"bil"
"it"
"y"
;}
\
I've always been impressed with these kinds of "prose in shapes" things. I can't do them at all. Besides, the code works. I tested it.
Alan Finger got me with this:
Remember Brown? Remember College Hill Bookstore? Kabob 'n' Curry? The Avon? Cable Car? Carolyn Duby? Are you wistful yet? Can you cast wistful to whimsical?
Indeed I can. These are all things from my eight years at Brown University in Providence, Rhode
Island. Carolyn Duby and I collaborated on several research papers
(check my publications to see
which ones), and she was a major participant in my
research
into lint-like programs for C++.
I admit it, I got nostalgic, and Alan gets a book out of it.
Finally, Billy Harris put so much work into his anthropological report, I couldn't bear to turn him down. How much work, you ask? See for yourself:
The Strangest Wedding I Ever Attended
The wedding had two parts -- the first part was full of symbolism and
high emotion and took place at the bride's house and groom's house.
Close friends and immediate family attended. In the evening, lots of
friends and relatives met at a restaurant for a formal ceremony and a
banquet and party.
The wedding was very different from western weddings, and no one
explained it to me -- I wandered around seeing event after even, always
asking "Why did they do that?", "What does this mean?", and "What's with
the oranges, anyway?". The answers were always the same: "It's a
tradition.". Luckily, later in this story, I will meet an anthropologist
who will give his opinion on the symbols involved.
Actually, Song (the groom) claimed the wedding would be a combination of
Eastern and Western styles. As near as I can tell, the wedding was
Western in exactly three ways: Song and Vicky (the bride) wore Western
wedding gear for parts of the ceremony, a ring was involved (that's
singular), and Song participated in a bachelor party. Unfortunately, my
plane arrived at night and there wasn't enough time for Vicky to drive
me to the party (anyone who has trouble visualizing me asking a bride
"So, are there going to be nude women at the bachelor party? Great! Can
you give me a ride?" doesn't know me very well). Due to a last-minute
change of housing arrangements, I spent the night at Song's house
instead of Amy's house.
Song's house was absolutely huge. The downstairs had a study, a den, a
bathroom, a dining room, a kitchen, and a family room. The basement was
huge and unfinished; Song said that after the house had settled for a
few years, he would add 2-3 rooms in the basement. Upstairs were
Vicky's room (where I spent the night), a bathroom, two guest bedrooms
(one with Song's parents; one held a pretty married woman whose name I
forgot), and Song's room, with a large bathroom with a whirlpool. This
was a modern house, meaning the rooms had vaulted and cathedral ceilings
and skylights as appropriate. I was so impressed that I forgot to ask
to see the attic (anyone who has trouble visualizing me asking to see
someone else's attic doesn't know me very well).
As part of "the tradition", red chinese letters were pasted everywhere.
The red is for good luck, the characters themselves best translate to
"Happy Wedding", and the characters are shaped into a circle, which
symbolized wholeness or completion.
The next day, around 11:00, the first part of the wedding ceremony
began. I had last worn my suit three years ago, and apparently, I had
washed the suit pants in an ordinary washer and dryer. They were far too
short. After some discussion, Song decided I could attend wearing
shorts and a T-shirt (anyone who has trouble visualizing me wearing
shorts to a friend's wedding doesn't know me very well). Song's mother
gave me a new shirt for the occasion.
The ceremony starts with "Picking up the Bride," in which we (the
groom's party) travel to Vicky's house. Ancient Chinese traditions
thousands of years old say that no more than two people per automobile
can travel in this procession. Since we had eight people, we needed four
cars (two of them rented). When we got to the bride's house, Song
knocked on the door. The bridesmaids answered and promptly closed the
door in his face. After repeated knockings and being told to go away,
the maids finally started grilling Song -- "So you know Vicky, eh? What
day did you first meet? What hospital was she born in?" Later questions
included "You think you're so smart -- what's the capital of Norway?
What President is on the 50-dollar bill?"
Much later, the maids joked about how miserably Song had answered the
questions, but for the purposes of decorum, they announced that he was
good enough and could come in. The groom gave the promised bribes
(candy and flowers) to the bridesmaids and we entered. Inside, we had
some food, including a traditional soup with duck egg. The egg was
supposed to symbolize fertility and wholeness, but for some reason, we
were supposed to break the egg.
At this point, the bride and her parents came downstairs. I still can't
fathom why, but the bride is supposed to be unhappy about leaving her
parents ("stoic" is the proper emotion). My reaction was that I had
left home a long time ago and no one cried then, but people claimed
"It's because the culture is different." Much later, the anthropologist
I met offered an off-the-cuff idea: ages ago, the Chinese had arranged
marriages. The bride had never met the groom and was genuinely unhappy.
Over the years, brides started marrying people they knew and started to
enjoy the wedding, but the idea of the bride being unhappy over leaving
home stuck.
At this point, the ceremony disturbed my religious ideas. Vicky's
parents sat down, and Vicky and Song kneeled before them. Some guy
behind Vicky and Song intoned "Sh'o TUNG!" or something similar, and the
two bowed, heads to the floor. "Sh'o TUNG!" -- another bow. "Sh'o
TUNG!" -- a third bow. Song then asked Vicky's parents for permission
to marry. Vicky's father launched into a monologue which was in Chinese
and no one translated it. It was apparently somber; Vicky's mother began
to cry. At the end of his speech, Vicky's mother, openly weeping, gave
her own emotional and apparently impromptu speech and hugged a now
crying Vicky. At the end of the all this, Vicky's parents gave their
permission for the marriage. This marked the end of a milestone in the
wedding, so people applauded. At this point, most of us headed back to
the groom's house -- bride, groom, best men, bridesmaids and me.
Significantly, Vicky's parents stayed behind and did not attend the rest
of the ceremony (they were at the second part with the party).
Another part of the tradition, Kelly (a Christian missionary who
probably didn't know what he was getting into when he agreed to help)
held an umbrella over the bride both during the trip from the bride's
house to the car and from the car to the groom's house. In ancient
times, people believed the happiness of the bride would attract
mischievous demons wanting to curse her. The umbrella protected her
from the gremlins. More recently, the umbrella became a symbol of
protection and shelter and represented the start of a new life and
construction of a new house.
When the procession arrived at the groom's house, both bride and groom
touched an orange on their way in. Kelly suggested this was a fertility
ritual, but the anthropologist said that the Chinese word for that style
of orange rhymed with the Chinese word for good luck.
Inside the groom's house, two things happened but I forgot the order.
For one of the events, Vicky and Song kneeled before the parents of the
groom (no bowing this time) and asked their permission to marry. Song's
father gave a speech (which no one translated) and they approved the
wedding. For the other event, Song and Vicky left the group and went
alone into one of the upstairs bedrooms. No, they didn't do what you're
thinking of. Instead, they talked about the past and the future. I
don't know how many hours it would take me to cover these topics, but
they had fifteen minutes. These two events ended the main part of the
wedding; everyone applauded again. Between this time and the "official"
ceremony was something sometimes called a reception, sometimes called
free-time and sometimes called waiting. Instead of finding out which of
these things it was, I hitched a ride with a group headed to a hotel
room; on the way, I bought some new suit pants.
Was this ceremony typical of Chinese weddings? Apparently not. The most
common reactions I got from people who know about these things were
variations of "They left out so many steps." Song said they covered
about 30-40% of a traditional wedding. Naturally, I wanted to know what
was left out. The next day, I asked Vicky about it. At first she
pretended not to understand my question (always a mistake with me) and
then she slowly said that this was her first wedding, and that she
wasn't planning a second one so she didn't know much about it. Song's
mother said I should show Vicky the ceremony when I got married, and I
promptly changed the subject. Song did mention one part they left out
-- typically, the groom gives 10 or 12 gifts to the bride. Later, the
bride gives 10 or 12 gifts to the groom. The gifts are quite expensive;
for a modern wedding, they should total around $10,000 to $20,000.
====
The wedding invitations claimed that the wedding ceremony would occur at
6:00 at the Phoenix Chinese restaurant. We (Shung-Yee, her boyfriend,
and I) arrived from our hotel right at 6:00 and were the first guests to
arrive. Apparently, it is expected for the guests to be late for the
supper. Around 7:00, we moved toward our seats. The party started with
a formal ceremony. The stuff earlier seemed meaningful and at least
partly spontaneous. This event seemed formal, ritualistic, and less
meaningful.
The announcer spoke in Chinese, with some English translations. A
typical translation was "Now the Witness will step forward," but this
doesn't capture the strength, the assertiveness, or the imperial tone of
the Chinese word. Perhaps a better translation would be "Witness, step
forward NOW!". In America, we tend to think of a witness as being
someone who happens to be in the area when something interesting
happens. Perhaps a wedding speaking will refer to the audience as
"witnesses". In the Chinese wedding, the Witness is a specific person
who has a specific place in the ceremony (I might be better able to
describe that place if I spoke Chinese). After the Witness came forth,
the Matchmaker stepped forward. Then the parents of the bride, then the
parents of the groom, then the groom (and best man) and then the bride
(with the favored bride's maid). After everyone was in place, the
Witness read the marriage certificate. No, this isn't the license you
get in city hall (actually, Vicky and Song hadn't gotten one yet). It
was a Chinese document that was prepared shortly before the ceremony.
After this, the Witness gave a speech, then the Matchmaker gave a
speech, then the bride's father gave a speech, then the groom's father
gave a speech. Only one of these speeches were translated-- the
Matchmaker was the Christian missionary mentioned earlier. He gave a
speech in English, and the announcer translated it into Chinese.
The announcer, by the way, was an American. By sheer good luck, he sat
next to me after he was done announcing, and by even more luck, he was
an anthropologist who studied Taiwanese folk religions. If any part of
the first ceremony is vague, it is because I tried to badger him with
questions only 90% of the time.
After this, Song gave Vicky a ring. Since the announcement was in a
different intonation, I assume that this portion was not part of the
traditional wedding. After that, they kissed and on their way down the
aisle, we sprayed them with sprayable ribbon and popped small
firecrackers (I call them "poppers"; they are shaped like small wine
bottles). Vicky changed into a Chinese outfit and the main part of the
feast began.
Two things should be mentioned up front. First, it is trandtional to
serve alcohol at Chinese weddings (more precisely, it is traditional to
get absolutely stone dead drunk at Chinese weddings). Every table had
at least one jar of Taiwanese beer and some cognac. The restaurant,
which is paid by the bottle, made sure that everyone interested in
drinking never ran dry.
Second, throughout the party, people would start tapping their
chopsticks against the sides of their glasses. The bride and the groom
would stand up, possibly walk to the center of the room, and kiss.
After the second kiss, someone yelled "French style! French style!", so
the bride and the groom started french-kissing anytime people tapped the
glass with their chopsticks.
I already mentioned that it is traditional to get drunk at Chinese
weddings. Especially, it is traditional to get the groom drunk -
ideally, so drunk that he is unable to perform during the wedding night.
To facilitate this, the groom's party goes from table to table drinking.
At each table, one or more people toast the groom, who out of politeness
matches the toast. I actually participated in this -- just before
Song's party reached my table, someone asked me if I could drive Song
home (I rarely drink and don't get drunk). I agreed, the person
rejoined Song's party which came to our table. Someone else, in a voice
a little too loud to be believed said we should have mercy on poor Song
because he would have to drive home. I immediately called out that it
was okay because I would drive Song home. After a brief back-and-forth,
we toasted Song (who was already too tipsy to safely drive).
After the drinking, they had Song stand on a chair (two people helped
hold him up). They tied an apron around his waist and brought out a
small hot-dog with two grapes beside it. The weiner was tied to a stick
which the host dangled in front of Song (I'm sure you can guess where).
They blindfolded Vicky and she had to eat the weiner. Of course, as she
got near it, they moved the stick out of the way.
Later (these events happened between courses), they had Song stand on
the chair, blindfolded Vicky again and brought out an egg. The egg
started inside one of Song's pants leg. Vicky's job was to bring the egg
up, over, and down the other leg. She succeeded and held up the egg.
The host said "And now the important question: Did she touch the
critical part?" The audience yelled back "No!", so Vicky had to try
again. This time, what happened was so obvious that the host didn't
need to ask the audience.
For another event, Vicky sat on the chair and they blindfolded Song.
They brought out a necklace/ string with two cherries on it which Vicky
wore (I'm sure you can guess where the cherries ended up). Song's job,
of course, is to eat the cherries.
The final task was difficult enough that even the host said he didn't
know if they could do it. He brought out an orange which had a small
corner peeled out. This also went up the groom's pants and while it is
"inside the central area", they had to peel the orange while it was
inside the pants. Song ended up helping (to a little bit of booing from
the audience), and sure enough they brought out a peeled orange.
This ended the trials; we had more food and music, and I don't know how
it happened, but I ended up in front of everyone trying to dance the
Macarena (no, I wasn't drunk. High on life, maybe). Eventually, the
party wound down. Sometime, I should mention that instead of giving
wedding presents, people attending Chinese weddings bring money in red
envelopes. I interpreted Vicky's instructions literally and bought a
wedding card from Barnes and Noble with a red envelope, but actually,
there is a specific style of envelope (complete with one of the "happy
wedding" symbols) that people who know what they're doing get). On
their way out, each of the guests gets a kiss (on the cheek) from the
bride.
I mentioned that Song was tipsy -- he was drunk enough that sometimes he
walked in the direction he was facing and sometimes he sort of stumbled
backwards. However, he was coherent enough that I could tell him "Song,
some people are too drunk to drive home. You're too drunk to walk home."
Song's father, however, was much worse off. He needed help standing up,
and two people helped him limp downstairs. Vicky's father was even
worse off -- "passed out" would be a fair description. Vicky's mother
and her brother coaxed him into vomiting and he eventually improved well
enough to at least temporarily stand on his own feet.
I've been told that it's a Japanese tradition that after you get
absolutely stone dead drunk you can look your boss in the eye and tell
him you hate his guts. Instead, Vicky's father talked about his last
visit to my apartment. I remember four main things about that visit. I
lost an argument about whether or not it was appropriate for my house
guests to cook for me; I won an argument about whether or not it was
appropriate for my house guests to pay for the food they cooked for me;
Vicky and I were late to lunch; and Vicky's family said "It was nice
meeting Diane, but where was Dr. Cook?" Apparently, Vicky's father's
drinking had affected his memory. He (through the anthropologist
interpreter) said that I was more hospitable than any Chinese person had
been to him, and that he greatly appreciated my hospitality. He added
"Even though you are an American, in my heart you are more Chinese than
the Chinese." A cynic might mumble about left-handed compliments, but I
was flattered.
Was this second part of the ceremony typical? For getting drunk,
aowbsolutely yes. People told me that the other parts of the wedding
(with the egg, orange, cherry, etc) were significantly wilder than
normal.
So ended the strangest wedding I have ever attended.